2020. I was born in 1979 and looking at this odd date gives me a sense of accomplishment. To have lived so many years that not only did the 19 turn to 20 but now there are two of them. It may not make sense to you but it blows my mind. Maybe it is because of what happened within those 40 years and counting. Oh what fun there's been. Recently I had to restore my soul with love and kindness. I want to make sense of what I'm saying so please be patient. Having children and becoming a parent has been one of my greatest joys, if not the greatest joy of my life, as of yet. Each day I am brought into a life where everything is new. I get to relive past memories as I see myself clear as day in the actions, stares and emotions of my children. What will tomorrow bring? And that is the question that I was holding onto so tightly in hopes to foresee any ills that may come their way. I do not consider myself a helicopter parent and I let the 2 1/2 year old take risk, but it is my duty to protect, inspire and encourage, discipline and also to love to my fullest capacity. I became robotic in this belief and started to put the blinders on, bypassing everything and everyone except for them. Thus, missing out on other opportunities to show love, encourage, and simply be kind to those around me. It was exhausting, frustrating and simply not fun. Once I became aware of this and it took a good year or so to realize my ways, I switched my mindset and took another path in the pursuit of excellence. While I thought I was doing all that needed to be done to be a great parent, I was forgetting how to be a great friend, son, brother and most importantly, a partner. Everyone became the child in my eyes that had to be watched and or corrected. Those close to me tolerated my ways because they know about my medical battle and contributed the stress to that and that alone. My father also passed away last year and that dampened spirits for a bit but with time, reflection, and a great deal of care, patience, love, and most of all, HONESTY from my wife, I was able to see my broken path. The mind is so powerful. I've worked it everyday for the fifteen years or so, pumping positivity and strength in my beliefs, words and actions. Never quit has become my motto and I make it a daily practice. At times it pays to be robotic but we must pay attention to the signs when heading in the wrong direction. In other words, it is okay to pull over and ask for directions every now and then. 

Happy New Year everyone. 

 

January 8th 2020