As the holiday season revs up and turkeys begin to over cook, the build up begins to “new beginnings”.  Families are familiar with phrases like, “we have to finish this year out stronger then ever”, and “this year is going to be the best year yet”, and my favorite, “this is the year”.  Every now and then I hear some saying, “this year couldn’t end soon enough”.  Needless to say, in all cases, much alcohol is consumed, too much stuffing is eaten, goals are left undone, and if you haven’t changed jobs, locations, spouses, habits, or brains then we will be faced with the same adversities and challenges that we saw in the previous year.

Some have made great strides in their lives.  People have lost ten, twenty, thirty pounds over the last year, or gotten promotions at their jobs and or successfully completed personal projects.  Whether or not the year was a success or not the one thing that never changes is that another year has gone by.  The clock continues to tick.  Tick tock, the clock never stops.  I have said all the familiar New Year’s phrases from, “this is going to be the best year yet”, to “two thousand and whatever couldn’t come fast enough”.  Yet no matter if I was popping bottles with my peoples on the beaches of Brazil, or just kicking back and having a quiet drink with family at home, the next day, after the ball drops, reality sets in. 

It’s always a new year and I am thankful to be alive.  I appreciate those that I brought the New Year in with and or spent the holiday season with but never the less reality sets in.  For me, that reality is the thoughts of what if.  That reality is spending time with friends and loved ones but always feeling like I’m a spectator.  Not because of how they treat me, no I’m always welcome with open arms and a tremendous amount of love.  But it is the divorce of my parents that still haunts me today and may haunt me for the rest of my days. 

I was twelve, and my father’s only child and my mom’s “baby”.  This is the stuff that really makes the holidays complete. Some relationships just do not work out but a person can only be in one place at a time.  I want to be happy, drink and be merry with others who are doing the same.  What if you don’t get along with those that your blood has chosen to move on with as a family?  A constant knot in your throat because you remember what it used to be.  This is not a sad story, its just reality setting in.  Those who know me know, no matter where I am, I am going to eat and drink, be loud and have fun.  We will toast it up and celebrate another year complete and wish each other well as we forge into the next one.  Still somewhere in the back of my mind I will be thinking about someone that I am not with and wishing that they were with me too.  Family is one hell of an enigma.  Sometimes you might feel as though you just want to disappear from it all, and then the holiday season comes around and you realize just how much they really mean.  Cherish the moments because the clock won’t stop.  So to all my family out there, blood related or not, know that you are in my thoughts and I wish you well. May this be the best year yet!