Wendell Scott: A Race Story Trailer

The Spirit Never Dies

On August 21, 2020 my father would have turned 75. He passed away in October of last year after a battle with Dementia. It was unexpected and painful but what I've experieced with him since his death is otherwordly. The last few years of my father's life I prepared myself for what was to come with a disease such as dementia. I knew that his memory would eventually fade to dust and I would not be what I once was in his mind. But what about the heart? Does the heart's love fade as the mind's memory? In my experience it does not. In fact in many ways our love grew and we got closer. We speak more now and their is less judgement of one another though I still strive to make him proud.  He first showed himself to me in the form of a Hawk. Since then when l miss him most, a hawk seems to appear. I've always had a love of nature and was told by others that the spirit finds its way to loved ones. This pandemic has been far from easy. With each day that passes my family gains a greater appreciation for the freedoms that we all once had and also for the love that we have for one another. With less distractions I am able to lock in and think before acting, slowing down and as my wife, Candice likes to say, TAKE A BEAT. Dad and I are cut from the same cloth. He was hard to the core and as an Air Force Vet, loved rules and regulations. He was the most honest person I've ever known, if he said he was going to do it then it would be done. Most of all he loved me. I was his only child and though he was not one to give congratulations or kudos to me personally, he would speak of me with great pride to friends and family. I love you dad. I miss your voice man. Thanks for stopping by every now and then for a brief check in with your grandchildren and I. Be well. 

Much Love

08/21/2020

Fatherhood Has Changed Me

2020. I was born in 1979 and looking at this odd date gives me a sense of accomplishment. To have lived so many years that not only did the 19 turn to 20 but now there are two of them. It may not make sense to you but it blows my mind. Maybe it is because of what happened within those 40 years and counting. Oh what fun there's been. Recently I had to restore my soul with love and kindness. I want to make sense of what I'm saying so please be patient. Having children and becoming a parent has been one of my greatest joys, if not the greatest joy of my life, as of yet. Each day I am brought into a life where everything is new. I get to relive past memories as I see myself clear as day in the actions, stares and emotions of my children. What will tomorrow bring? And that is the question that I was holding onto so tightly in hopes to foresee any ills that may come their way. I do not consider myself a helicopter parent and I let the 2 1/2 year old take risk, but it is my duty to protect, inspire and encourage, discipline and also to love to my fullest capacity. I became robotic in this belief and started to put the blinders on, bypassing everything and everyone except for them. Thus, missing out on other opportunities to show love, encourage, and simply be kind to those around me. It was exhausting, frustrating and simply not fun. Once I became aware of this and it took a good year or so to realize my ways, I switched my mindset and took another path in the pursuit of excellence. While I thought I was doing all that needed to be done to be a great parent, I was forgetting how to be a great friend, son, brother and most importantly, a partner. Everyone became the child in my eyes that had to be watched and or corrected. Those close to me tolerated my ways because they know about my medical battle and contributed the stress to that and that alone. My father also passed away last year and that dampened spirits for a bit but with time, reflection, and a great deal of care, patience, love, and most of all, HONESTY from my wife, I was able to see my broken path. The mind is so powerful. I've worked it everyday for the fifteen years or so, pumping positivity and strength in my beliefs, words and actions. Never quit has become my motto and I make it a daily practice. At times it pays to be robotic but we must pay attention to the signs when heading in the wrong direction. In other words, it is okay to pull over and ask for directions every now and then. 

Happy New Year everyone. 

 

January 8th 2020

A House Becoming A Home

I can not believe it's almost been a year since my last post. A writer once said that my writing will suffer with the birth of a child. Well if you are fully engaged in parenting and still trying to maintain somewhat of a healthy sleeping order then I must conquer. Thus, two months shy of a year's absence I'm back. I just happened to have the morning off and my daughter Layla will be two in July. Once my wife is out of bed then Layla becomes her shadow and I have found this is the time to pay the bills, check emails, read, meditate or FINALLY, write a post. It has been quite the year. A few years ago I became a certified personal trainer and coach. Since then I have added Behavioral Change Specialist to the resume and currently working on my Nutrition Certificate. I have traveled throughout the United States sharing my story with the hope of inspiring others. This past year my Personal Coaching business has flourished. My clients now range from five years old to seventy. My training does not consist of one type of methodology. I coach all sports and form for function movements. My battle with cancer has taught me that functional movements are the most important to focus on with those who are not training to compete at the professional or collegiate levels. We either get older or we pass to the next realm so we must prepare our bodies for the inevitable. What's been surprising and truly satisfying is the mental exercise that takes place during some of the less intensive workouts. During these times clients and I are able to process life's challenges and create a plan of action. We also speak about life goals and how best to go about accomplishing them. All the while, I had a relapse with my cancer but fortunately, being that I am under constant surveillance, we caught it early and the treatment is affective. So with the expansion of my business and a growing family, my wife and I decided to purchase a house. We went into it with the idea that we would be buying a home that needed work if we were going to be able to afford the area. My advice to all those in the home buying process is the same as everyone who's been through it before gave me. When building, or renovating, it's never on time. Plan for at least 3 months of delays and if it is only 3 you win. Still the process has been a life lesson in patience and more and more that seems to be the name of the game. Patience.  We bought it in September and as we head into June we are finally seeing some ending in site. Maybe we move in end of August maybe September. Again Patience is the lesson in life I apparently need to review the most. All in all it's been a beautiful, challenging, growing and inspiring year and I am truly grateful for each moment. 

Much Love and Never Quit

 

 

May 23 2019

In a Blink of an Eye

They all told me it would be this way. The wise ones said, "if you think time flies now just wait until you have children." It's been a few months since my last blog post. In December Layla was just getting her roll on and of course we were proud. In less than two weeks she will be turning one year old and now she is ripping and running. Of course she still needs mommy and daddy's assistance for balance but for the most part she sees it and gets after it. It's been such a wonderful treat to get to experience so many first time things with my daughter. She sees leaves now and says leave, no s yet, when once they were unfamiliar and foreign. My history with cancer always keeps my mortality in mind and that has helped me to embrace each moment I spend with her. I look her in the eyes at times and hope that she is taking all of me as well. Of course I want to protect her from all of the mistakes that I've made in life yet at the same time I want her to learn the lessons from said mistakes. How? Strangers say how beautiful she is but I immediately let them know that she has a great heart. Once they are out of earshot I'll tell her how physical beauty is fleeting but the way you treat others will last a lifetime. Treat people with honesty, kindness and respect and that beauty will radiate from within. I haven't had the extra time that I once had to work on passion projects and my reading has gone down a bit. I guess I have a new passion now. Fatherhood, and it's been my greatest joy as of yet. This parenting thing is definitely a team sport. I could not be the father that I am without the support and love that my wife Candice has dimed me on a regular basis. Holding down a corporate job while mastering breastfeeding, bath time and morning and night storytelling. Single parents deserve major credit and discounts at whole foods. LOL. But seriously, this is the hardest job while being the most rewarding one of all time. 

 

Much love and Never Quit. 

 

 

July 5th 2018

When Two Became Three

They said it would happen. I learned quite abrutely that time was not infinite when I had a life altering event concerning my health take place eight years ago. I was thirty. Thirty years to fully grasp what so many have dictated, wrote about and or currently try to teach mankind today. Time waits on no one. So when the birth of my daughter took place just a day over five months ago, I made a promise to her that I would be congnizant of the time and energy that I put towards her growth each day. The overwhelming guilt at times when I just want to wait one more minute to see if she will just stop crying and go to sleep instead of running to pick her up now coming from being fully aware that if I wait too long she will soon be walking to me with her tears, no longer needing me to carry her or hold her as I do now. This post is a celebration of life because even though I still have waisted minutes of the day, when I'm in the zone, more times than not at this point, I enjoy her daily growth because I see that she will need me throughout life. Layla had her first solid food yesterday and though she can now hold her bottle she is not versed in using her spoon. Insert daddy and mommy. These thoughts and feelings hit me as I thought about my father.

Tonight I was able to think about my father. Tonight I did something that I hadn't been able to do in just over five months. Actually, it was something that I didn't want to do. They said that you give all of yourself when you have a child. But tonight I turned off the lights, closed the door, lit a candle, put on some classical music, and sunk into the bath. I focused on my breathing and let thoughts come and go. Just as they all seemed to fade to the backgroud it hit me. I have been so enamored with my daughter that I have not made the time to take a true inventory of how I was feeling in my mind, body and spirit. I needed a sincere check in with my feelings and I had to dig past the bravado in order to truly grasp and feel that my father may not remember who I was and even worse, who he was. Dementia and its been a fast decline. I thought we had more time. I love my daughter for being able to teach me so many things about life at only five months old. They also said something about the circle of life too. I hear them say, we start out as babies and most of us go out like babies. We may just need that little person later in life to help us through an extremely difficult situation. Circle of life. 

Happy Holidays!

 

December 16th